I’m not judging you and I’m hoping you’ll think twice before you judge me too after reading this.
I’ve written before about how judgmental moms are towards each other. This was when my almost-6-year-old was just a baby, but it’s still a decent post, in my humble opinion of course.
Moms are crazy judgmental, man. Like, the worst. We are all different and have different beliefs and parenting styles, but isn’t that what makes the world go ’round? It would be boring if we were all the same…I promise.
I’m a working mom, but I’ll tell you right now I have a whole lot of respect for moms who stay home with kids full-time. Now, that’s HARD work. I have no idea how you amazing stay at home mamas do it and maintain your patience and sanity.
But, I digress. I’m not going to go there in this post… just do what’s best for you and your family and I’ll keep doing me on this one. It’s all hard and we should all be in this journey together, supporting each other. The end.
Judging me is in your nature. You don’t mean it.
Most often, we judge people subconsciously. I mean, did you know it only takes 7 seconds to form a judgement of someone? That’s right, you have 7 seconds to make a good first impression. Goodness, I sure hope I’m not having a bad day when we meet!
My husband and I moved to a new town almost 2 years ago and our son started kindergarten this year. We also always meet a lot of people through our gym, which is a few towns away. We’re lucky because we have some amazing friends…many of them we’ve actually been close with for a LONG time. So, don’t worry, this is not a cry for friends.
The other night, I pointed out to my husband that I sometimes feel like it’s hard to make real friendships with people we meet these days. I’m talking about the type of friendship that goes beyond saying hi, discussing our kids activities and the occasional get-together. I’m talking about real, long-lasting, do-anything-for-each-other type of friendships.
Not only are people now judging me based on their first impression of me, and my parenting styles, many of the people we meet now already know, or find out right away that I own a gym with my husband.
I can tell some people immediately see me as a different breed and feel the need to explain their exercise or eating habits to me. Mike shared this post on Facebook yesterday which was sparked by the conversation we’ve been having at home.
So today, let me tell you a few things before you make up your mind about who I am based on the fact that I’m a gym owner, personal trainer and nutrition coach.
If we’ve been out to dinner together, you probably know I can eat. I generally eat pretty big portions and while most of the things I eat are ‘healthy,’ I also really like wine, chips and guac, and if you’ve ever seen me in a candy store …well… we’ll just leave it at that.
I am picky and there are a lot of foods I do avoid, but it’s most likely not for the reasons you automatically assume. Ask me, and I’m happy to tell you. I’m not shy.
By the way, if you’ve ever hung out with my husband, you probably know his favorite foods include chicken wings, french fries, beer, chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. And he eats these things… more than once in awhile.
As a sidenote, no, we can’t load up on the items above daily and magically be super fit just because we are lucky or ‘in the industry’ and know the secrets. Unfortunately, there are no secrets.
Every single human has vices and struggles with indulging too much in some things and not enough in others. Addiction is a struggle and habits are hard to break.
Here’s what I really want you to know.
It’s not a priority to me to judge you for your parenting choices and I’m not interested in judging your exercise habits or the foods you choose to eat. I simply have better things to do… like, drink wine.
When we meet, and as we get to know each other, I hope you feel comfortable knowing I’m not ever going to give you unsolicited suggestions about how to parent, ways to move your body or what to eat. If it’s a conversation that comes up and you ask my opinion or want to know more about our gym, sure I’ll help and you’re always invited to come check out SOS.
But, that’s it. I’m not trying to sell you a gym membership unless you reach out looking for one. I’m not involved in any multi-level marketing companies, nor do I want to be. I don’t expect all my friends to enjoy training the way I do. That would be weird. And boring.
All of us feel judged, isolated and ‘different’ at times. No one gets a free pass on this.
What I’m urging you to do is become more aware of how and why you are judging people. Think beyond stereotypes and your first impression of someone. Give people the benefit of the doubt even if they are not just like you. Most of my best friends are not the ‘same’ as me. Thank God. That would suck and make for very boring conversations!